2024-9-14
First, it may take years for victims to realize the extent to which they were abused. The mind has powerful survival instincts. If we feel like we need our abusers for our survival, we don’t let ourselves think about reality. We make excuses, too, for the people who enabled the abuse. Denial can save us from a crushing reality.
Second, victims might care about their abusers. This might be Stockholm syndrome. It might be true Christian compassion. Where one ends and the other begins, I do not know. But both of these are real. Life isn’t black and white. Abusers aren’t monsters devoid of goodness. They are still human beings and children of God. It is a strange but true phenomena that sometimes victims have seen not only the bad but also the good in their abusers. The idea of reporting an abuser can be painful for victims.
Consider the case of Fr. Michael Cassabon. Fr. Cassabon says he was abused by Fr. Hayden Vaverek over the course of two years when he was a student at St. Joseph’s Catholic School in Greenville, SC. He came forward to the church in 2013 but never pursued criminal charges against Vaverek. The reason: Vaverek was removed from the priesthood, and Cassabon feared that Vaverek would be killed in jail. (See this article in bishopaccountability.org.)
Third, victims fear shunning. This is a real possibility. Consider this story by Joseph Sciambra. He was victimized multiple times. He moved close to a TLM church where he thought he would be safe from homosexual grooming and abuse by clergy. He found he was not safe. Here is what he said:
“The conspiracy of silence which protected and enabled priests everywhere in the Catholic Church was intensified in the TLM community. Many of those Catholics who were its followers, like myself, and been troubled and disappointed in the so-called Novus Ordo Church. For many of them, the TLM was their last hope. And they wanted to protect it.”
This was my experience at a church in Hyattsville, MD. This church had a great reputation. (Later I realized it was a stronghold of sorts for Opus Dei.) When I was reeling from the behavior of a priest, I reached out to other members of the church. I was asked, “Why are you trying to destroy our church?” To them, the problem wasn’t the priest’s behavior. The problem was speaking out. As Joseph Sciambra said, there is a conspiracy of silence.
And the shunning does not only happen within church communities. Neighbors, friends, and loved ones might decide they don’t want to deal with the trauma that the victim is trying to work through. Or else shallow platitudes are used as a substitute for accompaniment. “Forgiveness is divine.” “Just be grateful for all you do have.” Victims can find themselves very alone, and that is not something to be taken lightly. There are times when people can’t take that kind of risk. Some victims never come to a place where they think they can take that risk.
If you are a victim and need confidential support, you could consider spiritual direction. Visit Desert Sanctuary