8/30/2024
I have one issue that has been constant for me. How can I speak of my experiences? How can I express the emotions I have concerning the conversations I have had with other victims? If I give details: when, where, how, etc., it does seem somewhat vengeful. Many abusive members of our clergy are suffering in deep ways themselves. Many of them are clergy abuse victims themselves. Putting details about abuse on the internet seems disproportionate.
However speaking in generic terms is often met with a swift response. “It is sad you are impugning the reputation of all priests because you had one bad experience.” I have heard this dozen times. Or also, there is disbelief in what I am saying. If you don’t give specific details, it is easy for people to write you off as lacking credibility.
I think this is a significant issue. Between these two extremes there is very little space. The implicit message victims get is that they should be silent. Don’t speak of your specific abuse. “You should forgive.” Don’t speak in generic terms or you will immediately be labeled as a person who is hurting the church.
But silence is THE problem. How is it that we have individual priests who have abused numerous children over long periods of time? The family of every victim was made to think they were the only target. They choose to do what everyone was telling them to do: be silent.
I suppose I have arrived at a happy medium. I speak of the Franciscans of the Holy Spirit Province. Are there good priests, friars, and employees in this community? Without a doubt. However I have had damaging and negative interactions with two employees, more than a handful of friars, and their official “Office of Professional Standards and Safeguarding”. At some point it is incumbent upon the “good” friars to ensure the integrity of their community.
The only people I mention by name in this blog are professionals and public figures and have refused real conversation or mediation with me over the course of two years. (I stopped talking to professionals working in the Office of Professional Standards who blatantly bashed and shamed me.) There are some people who I feel treated me in unethical ways that I do not mention by name. They are not public figures. They don’t advertise their holiness or their concern for victims of clergy abuse online to thousands of people. They are private, and I respect that.